No More Fake Yield Farming

Jorunna Parva, the Sea Bunny. Move slow, look fast.

So, first, I take the CAKE and I stack the CAKE. The next day, I collect the free CAKE and I stack more CAKE. This will get me even more free CAKE for the next day! Dyamn. OK, and then I keep doing this and a year from now I will have 2x+ the amount of CAKE. Then I can continue to stack that CAKE and it will give me even more CAKE. Just think of how much CAKE I will have by that point! I will be rich with CAKE. But wait, what if I add more money to my CAKE total right now? That would speed everything up, right? Then instead of waiting a few extra months for that free CAKE, I can just get the CAKE now and stack more CAKE. In one month, I will be rich with CAKE and I can tell my friends about it.

Hmm, so what is this Olympus DAO thing? DeFi 2.0, eh? Hmm…Oh, look at these OHM forks. Dyam. 300,000% APY? Hold on — lemme check my napkin — yes! That’s actually higher than 100% APY! OK, CAKE and all of these other shit tokens are boring and stupid — this is the future! So, OK, let’s see. Olympus DAO’s token is $1,300 and, wow, this other fork called TIME is $3,000! Hmm, so if I put in $10k, I’ll be making — carry the one, divide by 2, plus 365— wait, $200 a day?! WTH?! That’s amaaaazzzing! And what am I making with this $10k over here? $10 a day? What a waste! Let’s put that money to work! Wait…slow down…you’ve learned your lesson. Let’s do some research before throwing your money around. To Coingecko! Oh what’s this? Klima DAO’s price has dropped down to $1200? And it’s helping the environment?! I’m all in!

Reversing the Tide

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